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Entry #1

The Lonely Loner

2009-09-04 23:32:23 by Nickapassa

He just stands there, looking down.
Hands in his big black sweater's pockets.
Long red hair over his eyes.
Standing, quiet as the long dead.
A breeze rolls along his hair sways to the soft breeze.
He's quiet, still as a dead clock's second hand.
His black jacket hoody doesn't move.
The lonely loner walks away, hands still in his pockets.
Not showing emotion, quiet, still as the dead.

By me.


Comments

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manicjudgementmanicjudgement

2009-09-04 23:36:51

Nice Job, but I have to admit. It doesn't have a sad quality to it, which is what I'm guessing was your intent. Instead, it seems to be boring. Still, I can see the skill.

Nickapassa responds:

No, I was going for a mysterious effect, but thanks.


igottigott

2009-09-04 23:55:41

Emo kid.

Nickapassa responds:

Nah, I just don't talk much. Why would you say that?